hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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