To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
