Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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