Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
