I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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