I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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