Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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