I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
