ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
