Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
