HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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