Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
