It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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