i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
