Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
