sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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