can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
