I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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