Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
where are my eyebrows?
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