Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
