I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
