i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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