Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
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He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
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How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize