i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
