I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
