went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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