it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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