I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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