my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
its liver damage thursday
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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