I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
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I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
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Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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