That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
