remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
