she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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