yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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