what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Send help, water and tortillas.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
