my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
