let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
