Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Randomize
