there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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