Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
