those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
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Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
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smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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