he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
