and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
