This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
