what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
