I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
