I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
