The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
