Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
