Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
