I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
