Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
