I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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