it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
