we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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