anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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