You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
