She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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