Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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